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pp-kicks.irc
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1996-03-21
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10KB
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343 lines
# ########################################################################## #
# PurePak - The sequel to TextBox #
# A -+ TEXT +- production #
# ########################################################################## #
# Author: Crypt Keeper [ckeeper@axiom.access.one.net] (CKeeper on IRC)
# Version 2.07
#
# This script requires at least ircII2.2.9 (Unix) or a fully ircII compatible
# client. It has only been tested under Unix with ircII2.2.9 and ircII2.8.
#
# If you edit this file, you must edit it with a Unix text editor or use
# utilities like dos2unix/unix2dos to convert it to DOS to edit and then
# back to Unix. If it is edited in a DOS text editor it will be corrupted.
#
# PurePak version 2.07 IRC script
# Copyright (C) 1995
#
# This program is free software; you can redistribute it and/or modify
# it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
# the Free Software Foundation; either version 1, or (at your option)
# any later version.
#
# This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
# but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
# MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the
# GNU General Public License for more details.
#
# You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License
# along with this program; if not, write to the Free Software
# Foundation, Inc., 675 Mass Ave, Cambridge, MA 02139, USA.
# ########################################################################## #
# Splatterkicks
EVAL ^if (!(PPVERS)) {/echo *** pp-kicks.irc is not a stand-alone script. It must be loaded after purepak.irc;//exit}
@ PP.KICKS = 1
# ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
# Splatterkicks (many of these taken from other scripts, namely PhoEniX)
# ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
alias sk.0 {
me smells something bad...
me looks at $0
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.1 {
me points the BFG-9000 at $0 and pulls the trigger
me listens for the "AYAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"
me laughs as $0 is blown back 20 feet and his hollowed out carcass slams against the wall!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.2 {
me turns on some tunes...
me grabs a dancing flower and shoves it up $0's butt!
me watches as $0 goes through several interesting convulsions
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.3 {
sendto $C $0:
sendto $C What is your name?
sendto $C What is your quest?
sendto $C What is the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden swallow???
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.4 {
me grabs $0 by the hair and jams his face into the toilet...
me does the royal flush!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.5 {
me pulls out his portable chalkboard..
me shows $0 the function of relativity for chaos mathematics
me watches as $0's brain explodes in a puff of putrid smoke!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.6 {
me decides to use calculus on $0
me takes the second derivative of $0
me is astonished! He has just disproven $0's existance!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.7 {
me THiNKZ DaT $0 HaZ aNGeReD Da iRC DaeMoNS!#!!!#!%!11!
me SeNDZ $0's SoUL To a FaTe WoRSe THaN DeaTH: /DeV/NuLL!#!!11!!!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.8 {
me *** LAMER PROTECTION ENGAGED ***
me *** TARGETTING LAMER
sk.k $0
me *** LAMER REMOVAL COMPLETE
}
alias sk.9 {
me suggests that $0 do his Kurt Kobain impression..
me hands $0 a shotgun
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.10 {
me waves an ancient druid sceptre over $0
me chants "KLATU! VERATTA! NIKTU!"
me waits as nothing happens
me says "screw this!" and shoves the sceptre up $0's butt!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.11 {
me waves a magic sceptre over $0's head
me summons $0's worst nightmares to devour him
me watches as $0 is chased off the channel by Roseanne Arnold
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.12 {
me dares $0 to go to #twilight_zone and ask for a copy of PhoEniX!
me watches as $0 is killed a few times and banned from his server...
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.13 {
me points his magic wand at $0
me casts Evard's black tentacles at $0
me watches as $0 is dragged under the surface of the tub!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.14 {
me grabs $0's nostril and stretches it WAAAY open!
me shoves a running chainsaw up $0's nostril and lets go
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.15 {
me holds a vial of a deadly substance over $0's head
me breaks the vial, spilling the poison on $0!
me laughs as $0 turns into... MiSTiK!!!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.16 {
me points his magic wand at $0
me shoots a flaming ball at $0 and watches as his life drains away...
sendto $C Life?!?!? He's on IRC all the damn time!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.17 {
me looks at $0
me types '/kick' as fast as he can...
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.18 {
me passes $0 the medicated facewash...
sendto $C You're putting too much strain on that monitor!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.19 {
^Userhost $0 -CMD if ([$3]) {
if ([$3] != [<UNKNOWN>])
{
sendto $C *** $0 is $3@$4 \(I'm a lamer!\)
sendto $C *** on channels: @#netsex #teensex @#gaysex #warez10 #twilight_zone
me turns the other way, pukes, and boots $0
sk.k $0
} {/echo *** $0 is not on IRC}
}
}
alias sk.20 {
me spits out a wad of tobacco
sendto $C *shplit*
me looks at $0
sendto $C We don't like yer kind 'round here, so git b'fore eh shuve
sendto $C dis here shotgun up yer yankee butt...
sk.k $0
sendto $C Mayn, dat boy shure had nice teeth!
}
alias sk.21 {
me chills $0 to absolute zero, stopping atomic motion and causing him to collapse in on himself and create a small black hole...
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.22 {
me gets a wild grin on his face...
me grabs a can of liquid nitrogen and pours it down $0's crotch!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.23 {
sendto $C $0: I have only one word to describe you...
sendto $C <BUUUUURRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPP>
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.24 {
me looks at $0
me looks at his toilet
me looks at his cat's butt
me looks at $0's mom
me looks at $0
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.25 {
sendto $C "I think therefore I am."
sendto $C Hmm.. I guess $0 isn't.
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.26 {
sendto $C $0... I'm not surprised.
sendto $C As a matter of fact, I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from my non-surprise.
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.27 {
sendto $C $0... Can I borrow your head?
sendto $C for my rock garden
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.28 {
sendto $C $0... Is that your head or did someone figure out a way to grow hair on a dildo?!?!?
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.29 {
sendto $C $0... I heard you are bi...
sendto $C When you want sex, you buy!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.30 {
me snaps his fingers and a Tasmanian Devil appears.
me points at $0 and utters the magic word...
sendto $C food (i.e. Bunny Rabbit)
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.31 {
sendto $C When $0 was made, a huge glorious thundering voice sounded from the heavens above and said:
sleep 1
sendto $C Oops...
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.32 {
me grabs a pair of headphones and clamps them to $0's head.
me cranks up "Achy Breaky Heart!"
sendto $C Kills 'em every time!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.33 {
me notices that $0 is on this channel.
sendto $C We'll fix that!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.34 {
sendto $C WHOOOA!! $0!! WHOooOOA!
sendto $C when I say whoa, I mean WHOA!
sk.k $0
sendto $C $0's is sooo stupid...
}
alias sk.35 {
sendto $C $0... Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
sendto $C Ahh... I see you've been rubbing my rhubarb..
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.36 {
me decides there is a better use for $0's net connection
me shoves $0's T1 internet line up his butt
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.37 {
sendto $C I've got it!
sendto $C $N killed $0 with the lead pipe on ${C}!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.38 {
me points his magic wand at $0 and speaks in an arcane tongue as his eyes turn red..
me teleports $0 to.... Area 51!
me wonders if the next civilization will find $0 in an empty fuel drum buried under 5 feet of concrete??
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.39 {
sendto $C What the hell is that smell?
sk.k $0
sendto $C Ok.. it's gone
}
alias sk.40 {
sendto $C $0 is an ugly, stupid, fat, smelly, retarded geek with no life.
sendto $C Did I leave anything out?
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.41 {
sendto $C alias test \{//kick $C $0\}
sk.k $0
sendto $C Cool.. it works!
}
alias sk.42 {
me change "+il 1" on channel $C by $0
sk.k $0
me change "-il" on channel $C by $N
sendto $C Damn takeover attempts!
}
alias sk.43 {
me thinks he sees a clonebot!
sk.k $0
sendto $C Well, it wasn't much more than a clonebot...
}
alias sk.44 {
me change "+o $0" on channel $C by $S
sendto $C *** Netsplit hack detected ***
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.45 {
me hands $0 a slice of red meat...
sendto $C Here, it'll make you run faster!
me unleashes the dobermans.
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.46 {
me sneaks into $0's car...
me replaces $0's MegadetH CD with the new Enigma CD!
me laughs as $0 falls asleep at the wheel and crashes...
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.47 {
me waves his magic wand at $0 and utters magic words in an arcane tongue...
me sends a fireball streaking across the channel at $0
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.48 {
me decides to become a priest and take an oath of chastity...
sendto $C After seeing $0's face!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.49 {
sendto $C Jack and Jill went up the hill,
sendto $C Each with a buck and a Quarter
sendto $C $0 came down with $2.50
sendto $C What a whore!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.50 {
sendto $C Hey, $0! Shut up or I'll wound your inner child!
sendto $C And then I'll kick your ass!
sk.k $0
}
alias sk.k {//kick $C $0 | -+ TEXT +- |}
# sk <nick> [<kick#>]
alias sk {
if ([$1]) {^if (!isalpha($1)) {/EVAL /sk.$1 $0} {/echo *** /sk <nick> [<kick #>] (kick # range = 0-50)}}
{^if ([$0]) {/EVAL /sk.$rand(51) $0} {/sk a a}}
}
# ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
EVAL ^if (!PP.SET.NOSTARTUP) {/echo -- PurePak splatterkicks module loaded}